You're Cycling Into Yourself Into Me.

I don't think I'll ever really understand how you do things like this, shaving your head without looking in the mirror. I remember looking over when you told me "this couch can't fit the three of us unless you squeeze in over there." I had to sing your songs first, and map it all out.

 I tried my best to dig through photos of people in places I don't recognize all that well, though you insisted it was your home, and I had been there too, I can't remember it.

 I'm still not sure where I am but you're driving, and pretty calmly too. You took the strangest route home and each passing streetlight felt like some sort of competition to me and you were going on telling me I shouldn't really be sad this often. I couldn't stomach that and you started speeding up and I finally heard the music coming out next to the dash.

 You're too realistic with the things you say lately.

RE: Music For Airports

I built a jet
in an attempt to get us off this island.
In hopes we finally find something.
Though, it's funny.
I've never been got at looking for much.
Dwindling too long to notice another.
But, I hope you've better luck than me.
And, in the same instance, I'm too proud to truly wish you anything.

Evan's Jazzy Ending

In the least poetically and pathetic way,
I'm starting to enjoy myself again.
I've been walking enough to make myself feel good about my health.
I've been working enough to be proud of myself.
I've been making things while being eaten alive by summer bugs.
I've just been happy.

Don't Tell Me How To Do Things, I'm Trying To Figure It All Out On My Own.

I wish I knew how to make a good song.
Something to sing to every now and then.
A sort of message to remind me where I'm trying to get.
I can't really venture that far out of the C scale.
I wish I lived near a lake and had a boat.
I wish I could captain the ship, even if I take it out alone.
I wish I could go back upstate. I think I really need it.
I'm not that sad anymore, I'm doing better I'm sure of it.
I should go somewhere this summer. I just want woods.
I want to be able to walk knowing I'll get lost and figure out how to get out.
Pretty metaphoric without any sort of deep meaning behind it.
I hope people don't misconstrue everything I'm saying here.
It's all pretty straight forward.
I wanted to write a bunch of stuff on my own, then show people.
I can't really do that here. I always just write here.
It's nice that everything's sorted out, but I'd rather have my notebooks again.
I think if I sang well, I'd have done a show by now.

Life.

I like the phrase "what has been seen can't be un-seen".
It leaves me with some relief. Everything's real, even when it's not.
This whole year has been a bunch that I can't un-see,
from the church to the stormy weather, it's all happened.
Even if it didn't.

I spent the last three weeks on my own.
I figured out I could take care of myself when I have to.
I can do a lot of things,
I've just yet to see it.
Even if it doesn't happen.
I could have taken photos, though.

I should've went to the city at least once.
I think if I did, I should've went on my own for whatever reason.

Everything Happens Here.

After a rather uneventful evening, I decided to call it a night.
I got in my car, turned on the heat, and without thinking, I put on my favorite song as of late.
The Birth And Death of a Day by Explosions in the Sky.
Perfect.
There is no word to describe to what happened to me.
It all forced everything down my throat.
It pulled everything from the back of my mind to front and center.
I had to pullover.
Coincidentally, I pulled over where everything I had done in life mattered.
It was the first place that after staying out past curfew, I sat and a girl fell asleep in my lap only to wake up to kiss me.
It was where I used to tell my parents I'd be if I wanted to go out walking.
It was where I decided who I'd become.
It was where I decided I would end my friendship with more than 7 people.
It was where I watched a thunderstorm with no rain with a girl who tries to keep in touch every now and then.
It was just where.

I realized how big the universe is.
I realized how much it encompasses.
I realized how I'd never see a quarter of anything it had to offer.
I even realized how I haven't even left the country.

It's kind of weird, you know?
How big the Earth is, but once you measure it against the universe it becomes nothing.
The place we're born into. The place we're buried in.
Everything.
Everything happens here.

These Quiet Nights With You.

It happened the night of graduation.
I had went out to eat with family, then I went to a party.
I told myself it was now or never.
I walked away from the crowd, sat on the curb, and called her.
She didn't say anything at first other than "Hi, we just got back from grocery shopping."
I almost couldn't say it, despite the fact she knew something was going to happen (and not for the better).
I think one of the reasons that lead me to do it was a fear of me being the one left.
It's typically how it goes for me. I don't mean to sound like a sob story, but I never seem to notice anythings wrong until after it's all done and I evaluate what happened.

I had to walk home after the party.
It was about 1 in the morning and I passed my friend's house on the walk.
I called him as I kept walking and told him what happened.
I told him I did it but it didn't feel better. If anything, it felt worse.
He's still my friend. He's got his own problems to work out, but he's still my friend.

I remember running every few minutes down the blocks for whatever reason.
I wasn't drunk and I wasn't high, though I'm sure (in my efforts) a person might assume I was.

I had debating ending the relationship for a while, but I think that was a mistake.
And though people tried to make me feel better about the decision, I don't think they understand the kind of relationship I had with her. Isn't that important to know before giving feedback? But that's just friends being friends.
I think if anything, we evened each other out.
Isn't that what a relationship should do? Make both people involved calm and collected and share the same feelings for a good portion of the time.
But I guess towards the end, if I wasn't the one to leave, she'd have been the one to leave me cause I was starting to take on a new persona, the one I have now.